


The Blessed Event

by helplesslynerdy



Series: Crack!Fic AU [7]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-19 05:31:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helplesslynerdy/pseuds/helplesslynerdy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I take my first crack at the dreaded trope of all tropes… *crash of thunder* <i>babyfic</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Blessed Event

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Rose leaned her head back against the sterile pastel walls. If she were in the mood to note the irony, she would have laughed. Her chin jutted as she ground her molars. ‘ _Peaceful planet,’ he said. ‘Not even you and your jeopardy-friendliness can get us into trouble here,’ he said. Now here I am stuck in a bleedin’ PINK jail cell with absolutely no way of getting out._ She stood up and began to pace. All she had wanted was a nice calm trip. He swore up and down that there was NO WAY that they would get into trouble on this planet. 

She should have known the second that absolute passed through his lips that the universe would bend over backwards to prove him wrong.

The guard, who looked a lot like the male version of the green slave-girl from _Return of the Jedi,_ walked past the glass portal caging her in. He wasn't even armed. Just had a communicator that he was carelessly flipping into the air and catching. She could hear him, so she at least knew her cell wasn't soundproof. She began absentmindedly picking at her chipped black nail polish when she heard the staticky noise of the communicator turning on. _Why communicators always sound like something built in the 1970s into the 27th century, I'll never know._

"Sir," she heard the male voice over the communicator say. "We have a problem."

The guard rolled his eyes and put the communicator to his ear. "What is it now?"

"It's the newest prisoner, sir. He has not stopped for the past hour. It has been him caterwauling or reciting Earth tales. Right now he is trying to convince us that 'mean it' does rhyme with 'peanut' in the language he is speaking." Rose could barely make out him lecturing the mechanics of rhyme within the English language- probably making it all up just to defend that film.

The guard clenched his teeth exasperatedly. "So shut him up!"

"We've tried everything short of smothering him!" Rose rolled her eyes. The _one_ pacifist planet they get arrested on, and the Doctor takes advantage of these poor souls' non-violent ways.

"Well, what does he want?"

"To talk to the human female."

Rose spoke up. "You can tell him that there's nothing I want to say to him, ta." She had been blocking all of his attempts to communicate with her telepathically. She was just mad enough to maintain the barriers but let a little bit of her anger at him seep through.

The guard's green lips flattened into a line. "She refuses."

Rose could hear the Doctor's voice get high pitched in the background. The Doctor's guard then said, "He says that if she is going to play it that way, that it is her fault they are in jail, so she has no reason to be mad at him."

She jumped to her feet. " _My_ fault? You tell him that he said there was no way for us to get into trouble here!"

The guard glared at her before relaying the message.

The whoosh of static again heralded the other guard's voice. "He is now moaning that if she had partaken of the ceremonial wine during the Feast of the New Moon of Poosh that the human female would not have insulted the Grand Kooshbah and landed _him_ in jail."

Rose smacked the glass barrier. "You tell that idiot that I was unaware that the wine was _compulsory-_ but I couldn't have had it anyway!"

"He is now asking what she means." Rose could tell that the guards were getting tired of the childishness, but she couldn't bring herself to raise the maturity level.

"Tell him I'll explain it to him later." She had wandered back to the small cot in the back of the room, feeling quite nauseated. A wave passed through her, and she grabbed a little pot nearby and retched.

The guard outside immediately was inside the room, concerned. If she weren't currently losing her breakfast, she would probably find it funny how sweet the guard was being even though she had unwittingly insulted the entire planet. "Are you all right?"

She pulled her now-damp hair from her face and pulled it up in a messy bun. "Just a little nausea- I'm fine, ta. If I could have some water?" The guard let himself back out and walked to the other side of the hallway to get a container of water.

The guard's communicator again buzzed. "The male has become quite frantic calling for Earth flowers. May we sedate him?"

"Give him the communicator." The guard reentered Rose's cell and handed her his device and the water.

"Rose? Rose! What is going on, are you all right? You didn't eat anything here- was there something that you touched that you shouldn't? Your jeopardy-friendliness getting us into trouble. You would find the only poisonous plant on this blasted plan-"

"Shut up. I'm fine." Rose said calmly. "Just a little nauseated, that's all. We've only got ten more hours. Give your guards a little peace and recite some astrophysics to yourself."

"No, not until I know what's wrong with you. Was this why you didn't drink the Poosheen wine?"

"Yes, you nag."

"No need to be testy, you _are_ the reason we're in this predicament in the first place, mind you."

Rose's eyes narrowed at the communicator as she snapped it closer to pick up her voice. "If you had listened to me and let us get back to the TARDIS before the line started, this wouldn't have happened!"

"Why didn't you just drink it, Rose?"

"Because I _couldn't._ "

"Whyyyyyy?" he drew out.

Her left hand holding the communicator fell to her lap. She chuckled mirthlessly as she shook her head. "He's really going to make me tell him this way. In a jail cell," she mumbled to herself.

"I can't hear what you're saying. What is going on?"

She whipped the handset back up to her face. " _Fine_. Have it your way. I'm pregnant. Happy?"

All Rose heard was burst of static, and then the Doctor's guard was back on. "Sir? The male seems to have gone into a state of shock."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They released Rose first, since she was "incubating" as they called it, and she made her way back to the TARDIS. The Doctor had not made a peep in fifteen minutes, and she was too irritated to try and gauge his reaction. They would only hold him for close to a hour. A shower seemed in order, and she made her way to their bedroom.

After the long shower soothed her body and helped calm her mood, Rose padded into their closet. She pulled on an oversized _Hard Day's Night_ tee and loose sweatpants. She may not be anywhere near showing, but she had no desire to do much of anything for the rest of the day. Maybe she could start watching that American crime dramedy show where an author tagged after a cop...oh, she couldn't think what it was called now. But Donna had raved about it the last time they had taken her and Lee on a trip.

Her stomach was still a little queasy, so she made herself some toast and some mint tea. The Doctor had bought her a mug that had a silhouetted wolf howling with a moon that would 'rise' every time she poured something warm into it. She padded her way into the media room and set her plate and mug down. She started up the telly and munched on her toast. About halfway through the first episode, Rose began to nod off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rose awoke, eyes trying to blink themselves into focus. She blearily looked around the room until she settled on the form of the Doctor. He was sitting in the chair catty-cornered to the sofa she was still laying on.

His face was devoid of all emotion as he caught her eyes.

Rose brushed her fingers through her tangled hair before rasping, "Hello."

The Doctor's eyes didn't move from hers. "Hello."

There was almost never any awkwardness between them, but this rivaled the domestic conversation on Krop-Tor. Rose shifted under his steady gaze. Her eyes went to a bit of lint on her black tee that was suddenly the most fascinating thing in the universe. As she picked at it, she felt the sofa sink a little at her feet. She didn't dare look up at him. Her emotions were on tenterhooks as it was.

"Rose?" he quietly asked.

"Mmm?"

"Look at me."

She shook her head. "Don't want to. You've been a git."

The cushions shifted, and she felt him begin to crawl over top of her, hands to either side of her bracing him up. "Roooooose."

She tucked her chin into her chest, willing herself not to smile at his little game. He crawled closer until he was hovering just above her. "You know you want to look into my unfathomably deep chocolatey limpid pools."

Rose bit her lip against the giggle that threatened to bubble up.

The Doctor pounced on the movement. "Was that a smile?"

"No."

He lowered himself so his nose was skimming her hairline. "That was a smile."

"It wasn't." She burrowed further into the sofa, trying to salvage what little distance she could.

He gently pressed his forehead to hers. She could feel and see his consciousness brushing hers. She had yet to tell him what color he was. Mauve was just too perfect. The smile that had been teasing the edges of her lips finally won.

The Doctor eased back, elbows propped on either side of her torso. "Much better," he grinned, nudging her nose with his own. 

"Still mad down here."

"Well, Ms. Tyler, I'm not exactly pleased myself." He cocked an eyebrow. "How long have you been keeping this from me?"

"Only a couple of days." She looked away from him. "I wanted to tell you when the time was right."

His silence caused her to look back up at him. Hurt just barely crossed his face before he tamped it down. "Why?"

Rose looked down at his tie, and began to rub the silky fabric between her fingers. "I wasn't sure how you would take it, to be honest. I can barely get you to talk about Jenny or your other children. I wanted to tell you in a nice, relaxed place where we could just..." she trailed off, still focused on his tie.

Lifting up, the Doctor picked up her legs and sat under them. He then gently pulled her up until she was sitting on his lap. She leaned her head to his shoulder and he splayed his hand on her stomach, the span almost covering all of it. Rose finally looked up at his profile, where he was staring at her stomach in wonder. She teared up and ran her hand up his back and into his hair. He bent towards her without turning, his cheek leaning on her forehead. She closed her eyes as he began speaking softly in his lilting language. It was as if he was singing in his soft tenor- yet even more.  Almost as if the words were physical and spiraling around her like the Vortex.

They could have sat there for hours, though she knew it was merely minutes. The Doctor turned to face her, a beam rivaling the light of a star spreading across his face. She used the hand that had been idly toying with the short hair on his neck and yanked his face down for a passionate snog. By the time they broke apart, he was lying on the couch with her sprawled on top of him. He rubbed his hands up and down her back as she combed her fingers through his hair.

He got an impish gleam in his eye before asking, "So, was that your apology for getting us arrested?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A good smack on his arm and a few more snogs later, the Doctor had carried her into their bedroom. Rose tried to keep herself awake, but was steadily failing as he undressed. After he slipped into the sheets beside her, Rose rolled over so her right arm was draped across his waist and her leg curled over his.

A couple seconds passed, and he nudged her with his shoulder until she lifted her head. "Wha?" she mumbled, half asleep.

"Have you seen the baby?"

"Too early."

"No, I meant like you see me telepathically. Linked?"

She laid her head back on his shoulder. "Mmhmm."

He rolled so he was hovering over her. Rose knew that she wasn't going to get to sleep unless she slaked his curiosity. She rubbed her eyes before propping herself up on her pillow. "It's silvery. So faint, but it's like, I felt it before I realized I did. She finally pestered me enough that I couldn't help but pay attention." Rose rolled her eyes. "Gonna be like her dad."

The emotions flitting across the Doctor's face became nigh comical. It was as if he couldn't decide what to react to first. He finally settled on the correct question. "She?"

Rose couldn't help her smug smile. "Yep," she mimicked with the Doctor's penchant for popped p’s. "If she's old enough to already be bugging her mum, don't you think she's already shown me that?"

"A girl," he repeated, eyes far away.

"Yeah," she breathed. She cupped his cheek, trying to bring him back from whatever constellation he was currently floating in.  His eyes refocused on her and he then tilted down to kiss her. After releasing his bottom lip with a soft pop, Rose grinned wickedly. "Get ready to never be right again, Sir Doctor. You're about to become an island of testosterone in a sea of estrogen."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five and a half months later, Rose was lying on the couch having dozed off again while watching _Anne of Avonlea_. She had figured out, and quite quickly at that, that she was not one of those women who relished being pregnant. In fact, at this point, she was downright miserable. She was always hot, taking to wearing camis and teeny shorts, and was waddling everywhere.  Having a Time Lord/human + Vortex baby meant that the pregnancy period was much shorter. Six months. _Superior genes don’t need as long to gestate, Rose._ What he failed to realize was that she was going through all the normal phases of a human pregnancy but at breakneck speed. She would get used to something for a minute and be on to the next one.

The Doctor had been a real trooper. He learned quite quickly as well that everything she said was brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. He also found out that there were looks right before she was about to burst into tears and wanted to be held, and others where he better find the zero room and wait the explosion out. Today was relatively calm, however. He had her feet in his lap, gently rubbing her ankles while she catnapped.

Rose had already woken up, but just relished in the time where the baby wasn’t running for England inside her and she was just able to relax. The miniseries was still running on the screen. Her lips quirked almost unperceptively as she remembered what had happened right before she had succumbed to her tiredness.

Earlier, when Anne was working herself up writing a romantic scene, the Doctor had turned to Rose incredulously. “What in the world is she talking about? ‘He fervently stroked her alabaster brow.’ Is this some human ritual that I haven’t observed?” She had rolled her eyes and just ignored him, assuming he was just ragging on her viewing choices, as he was wont to do.

As she laid there, eyes still closed, allowing herself some more precious rest, she suddenly felt something trembling along her forehead. _He is not_. She recognized the Doctor’s fingers making another sweep and then batted them away with a sound thwack. “What in the world do you think you’re doing? And if the words ‘experiment’ or ‘you humans’ are anywhere _near_ the tip of your tongue, you might want to rethink your choices!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rose lay back in their bed. She was here. After all of that mess, all the unpleasantness that she hoped beyond hope would be a part of that alleged memory lapse.

Kassi was here.

At first, Rose had balked at naming her daughter Kasterborous- she felt it sounded like it was something that belonged in the middle of a chemist’s ingredient label. The Doctor had insisted that they would call her Kassi. He had continued, unable to meet Rose’s eyes, that he wanted her to be a remembrance for a system long ravaged and all but destroyed. He hadn’t fallen into platitudes of rebirth and renewal, but she knew. And she gave him this with much less of a fight than she would have previously thought possible.

The focus of her thoughts was currently sleeping in the Doctor’s arms as he lay beside Rose. He was dozing a bit as well, finally coming down from his almost manic high of the entire day. They had planned on having the baby on New Earth- had even thought of calling up Novice Hame. But things never go as planned with them, and Kassi insisted on being born on the TARDIS.

The Doctor snorted in his sleep, then relapsed into his normal Vader-like breath, the baby mirroring the noise at a smaller, delicate pitch. He had promised Rose that their lives would slow, that the baby meant absolutely no hints of danger in the foreseeable future.

Rose fell asleep with a grin on her face, her conscious thought fading on the ridiculousness of the image of a pink baby harness against brown pinstripes.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own _Doctor Who_ or its brilliant characters.


End file.
